everything you need has already been given to you.
i’ve been feeling this way for a long time and i’m finally able to find the words to express how i feel. in this time, i feel like i will not be in someones life forever. i feel like i am always placed in peoples lives at a certain time when they need something that maybe only i can give them. or maybe they tired to get it from other people but for some reason god still sent them my way. or maybe it was me who actually brought them to me. it takes along time for me to open up to people and for them to really get to know me. and because of that, people are usually attracted to that part of me that nourishes their soul at the time. and thats what they keep coming for. eventually when our time together is up, because they no longer need whatever it was that i was giving them, they’re on to phase 2 of their lives. them being only attracted to that one aspect of me, it makes it harder for me to be who i really am. they have already came up with an idea of who they think i should be. they don’t see me. everything outside of what you “think” i am is going to come off as a shock. but they didn’t even give me a chance to show them who i am… completely.
they forget that i am here. i’m not just here to be your therapist or safe space for when you need healing. if only people were honest about their intentions. but sometimes i’m unaware of the effect i can have on people. i wish i could see how someone “falls” for me from their eyes. but, it’s all love. and i believe that.
i’ll just wait for the person i can be alone with and still feel peace.
the person that wont get made of take me needing space personally.
that wont judge me for going to therapy.
that wont use my body just to masturbate.
that can really be there for me emotionally.
that wont try to take away my personal freedom.
that will mirror my highest self.
that will love all of me.
that will love me enough to set me free if i outgrow them.
that wont allow me to lose myself trying to find myself.
that person will be dipped in patience, love, wisdom, and understanding.
that person will get me mentally.
that person will keep up with my constant state of evolution.
will have the same level of ambition and intellectual curiosity that i have.
will be the sun of their own life.
will use his words as a weapon against anything that tries to destroy him.
will be enough as he is.
will be earth-toned and able to love himself even when he’s alone.
will be the thing outside of myself that i look at and feel connected to.
wont have to look for me between the thighs of other girls.
will have a positive impact on my mental health, and my peace will thank him for his presence.
will know he came here as a creator.
we will have a connection that i wont have to question. our love will feel warm as the sun, dipped in black.
we will make choices based on the love we have for each other and not the “hate” we have for past lovers. but love + hate cant even coexist.
our love will over power all the negativity.
i had lauryn hill: tell him on repeat while writing this.