Its been 9 months since I had that dream.
The once with the shadow of a man.
The one where I was asleep in a room that was't mine and it didn't look familiar.
The one where I woke up in a cold sweat.
The one that made me jump out of bed.
The one where I was screaming. [but I'm not sure if I was screaming in the dream or in reality. It sure did feel real.]
The one that only happens when I'm alone.
The one that wasn't the last one.
The one that made me afraid to close my eyes.
The one that makes me close all the doors and windows in the room I'm sleeping in.
The one that made me paranoid.
The one that causes my brain to stay awake.
The one that makes me insane.
The one that makes me believe I actually need the knife under my pillow.
The one that makes me hear every little thing.
The one that makes me afraid of the silence at night.
The one that frightened my spirit.
The one that made me question my God.
The one I'm afraid to talk about.
The one that keeps me up all night.
The one thats keep me up tonight.
The one that makes me go crazy.
The one that makes me believe no one understands.
The one that makes me believe I caused this on myself.
I go through a lot of pain at night.
I try to keep myself busy at night.
I think it'll get better by tomorrow night.
I believe there are demons in my head that only come out at night.
I also know there are angels that protect me at night.
Why am I so afraid at night?
Is my God trying to show/tell me something?
Do other people go through this?
How come no one really tires to understand this?
How much of what I'm writing do you actually understand?
Has my spirit been traumatized by all of this?
is writing it all down really making me feel any better?
Whatever. Now its just me & my light.