I call you dad because thats what I'm made to feel like I'm supposed to do. Some say theres a difference between a dad and a father, but I say that if someone isn't involved in your life they don't deserve a title.
20 years of living and I have no idea who you are. But I know that if I express that to you, you'll say something along the lines of, "Well thats because you never asked."
What do you take responsibility for?
I have no idea why you were never interested in having a relationship with me. But I know that if I express that to you, you'll say something along the lines of, "I stopped talking to you because I thought you didn't want to talk to me."
You make time for what you WANT to make time for.
You made time to love your wife.
You made time to embrace her children.
You made time to go to work everyday.
You made time to find reasons why you couldn't take a 4hr drive to see your children.
You made time to ignore your own pain from your fathers absence.
You made time to miss my graduation.
You made time to miss birthdays.
You made time to compare yourself to my mother instead of making time to take ownership of your responsibilites
You made time to give me money for my apartment.
You also made time to go to court with mother for the child support you didn't want to pay.
You made time for me and my sisters to visit you during the summer just for you to make time to go to work the whole time.
You made time to ignore how we had to sit and sleep on your floor while your wife family and friends got to sit and sleep on the couch.
You made time to underestimate my ability to analyze and understand certain situations so you never told the truth.
How do you sleep at night? Do you sleep at night?
How often do you think about the children you have but don't know?
How many sleepless nights do you have wondering about why we don't have a relationship?
How come you are so quick to give your money, but are so blind to know that I need your love, understanding, time and compassion?
Is it hard for you to love your daughters because your mother never gave you the attention you needed from a woman?
Is it hard to be a father because your father never stayed in your life long enough for him to show you?
Did you really have good examples of a mother and father growing up?
Out of you and your brothers, who has a healthy relationship with their daughters?
Crazy how you all ended up with daughters.
After all of this, I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for the love you never gave me.
Because of you, I was able to find love within myself. The kind of love you can't get from anyone else.
Thank you for all the money that came a few years to late.
Because of you, I understand that money can't find lost happiness.
Thank you for letting me down as a father.
Because of you, I understand what it means to be with a man who values me and his children.
Im not mad at you, but I can't say I fully believe you when you say you love me.