Just some thoughts on school. No order. But it might make sense to you.
Its hard to find mental peace in a structured environment.
I don't like school. Theres nothing about it that I enjoy. When you don't enjoy doing something or if you don't feel like theres a purpose then you aren't going to do your best. You can't force it. The passion just wont be there.
When I get A's on tests and things, I don't feel anything from that. I don't feel accomplished, I don't feel satisfied. I really just don't care. Its just a grade to me. Its something that means more to the school than it does to me. And if its just a grade, why'd I have to work so hard to get it? Or was it just handed to me because the teacher didn't feel like grading it?
I don't like the feeling of being devalued to a letter grade.
I can't keep doing things that drains my happiness. Because of who I am as a person, going to school and being around a bunch of people everyday is very draining. Especially when some professors force you to work in groups and/or give presentations. How will I ever feel comfortable with my voice if I'm always forced to use it?
Emotionally its very draining. And because I have class everyday, I am put on this emotional rollercoaster everyday.
I don't believe that I have to do things that I don't want to do in order to get to where I want to be. You're made to think thats the path you have to take. Thats not true. That is a path that you CAN take, but thats not the ONLY path. You have options. Follow your own truth.
If I'm going to use your thoughts, your mindset, you visions, your philosophies, and you set of eyes, then whats the point in having my own?
I think the only thing keeping me in school is that I don't know what I would be doing if I weren't here.
"If you're going to waste your time might as well waste it in school."
Since when did finding your purpose and passion become a waste of time?
I cant work at a regular retail or fast food job, because I don't like doing it. Its one thing to not like doing something just because it isn't for you and its another thing to not like doing something because it is taking away from your happiness. I don't like paying bills but that isn't taking away from my happiness. Going to a retail job, making minimum wage takes away from my personal happiness.
We have to stop making people feel like they're wrong or lazy because they don't want to do something that you feel like they should be doing.
Why do I have to be in the presence of someone who doesn't care about my future? Why am I allowing you to teach me if you don't care if I understand the information or not? Then how can I be for sure that you are giving me the information that I need in order to really succeed?
My current math class is a class with about 50 people. The first day of class the teacher says she doesn't like to talk in a loud voice so she wants everyone to sit in the first 5 rows. The next few weeks go by and all she does is sit at the front table, talks mono tone and gives us the slides with information on it.
When our first test was coming up, one of the students asked her if we could use calculators. She said no because it is basic math. She then said that if you cant do basic math you don't belong in college. We get the test and there was a problem where we had to divide weird decimals like 0.89 / 2.3. So because I cant do that in my head I don'e belong? Ha.
Why do I have to deal with that? If thats not helping me learn why am I being forced to learn that way? I shouldn't have to.
Education is the key. But do I really need school to be educated? No, absolutely not. School isn't the power, knowledge is. You don't need school to gain knowledge.
I have to walk and live my own path. I have to do what I want to do. I truly believe that we are who we choose to be. And that means we have to do what we want to do. Just decide. Thats it.
You don't have to follow the plan of the Anglo-Saxon man.
Being in school is a choice that I decided to make. No one forced me to go and no one is forcing me to stay. I'm actually forcing myself to stay.
I have to figure out what I want t do. I cant wake up everyday and feel unhappy. And not because its just one of those days, but because I'm doing things that I don't want to do. 100% of your happiness comes from within. You cant expect things or other people to bring you happiness. You have to feel that from inside. But if you are surrounding yourself with things and people that are draining you, then its going to be hard for you to find that happiness. So you have to let those things and people go.
Everyday is really an emotional rollercoaster and I hate feeling this way. Its something I've never really expressed in full detail to anyone. And I honestly don't care to hear anyones opinion on something that is personally affecting me.
Im not in a rush to go anywhere or do anything. I don't feel like my life is about to end, so I'm not in a hurry to make a decision. But do I want to continue to feel stuck in school?
I don't feel as free as I could feel.